1 00:00:01,908 --> 00:00:05,377 I'm a traveler. Travel a lot. 2 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:06,846 [dramatic classical music] 3 00:00:06,948 --> 00:00:08,614 One time I was on my way to Denver, 4 00:00:08,716 --> 00:00:10,750 I had to change in Chicago. I was in a real rush, 5 00:00:10,852 --> 00:00:13,385 and I needed to get some food in me really quick. 6 00:00:13,488 --> 00:00:15,187 There was this sushi. 7 00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:19,091 It was just fishy, sweet-- for some reason-- flavor, 8 00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:23,863 and as it came apart in my hand I thought, "Ah. 9 00:00:23,965 --> 00:00:25,731 What is the city missing?" 10 00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:28,734 I had this idea. I just came to this Alberta district, 11 00:00:28,836 --> 00:00:32,204 and I said, "Let's open up a airport sushi." 12 00:00:32,306 --> 00:00:36,275 Couple years later... I had Kuko. 13 00:00:36,377 --> 00:00:37,676 14 00:00:37,745 --> 00:00:39,245 At Kuko, we are proud to serve 15 00:00:39,347 --> 00:00:43,482 the most borderline not-sushi sushi 16 00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,217 in the whole world. 17 00:00:45,319 --> 00:00:48,621 I want to make it like we have no love for it. 18 00:00:48,723 --> 00:00:50,089 Order up. 19 00:00:50,191 --> 00:00:51,157 I said, "Let's be the last people 20 00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,792 at the fish market." 21 00:00:52,894 --> 00:00:55,094 And everyone said you have to be a smart chef 22 00:00:55,196 --> 00:00:58,063 who looks at your food and really considers it. 23 00:00:58,166 --> 00:01:00,099 I thought, "No, why?" 24 00:01:00,201 --> 00:01:04,770 I want to be the chef that says, "Get this thing outta here." 25 00:01:04,872 --> 00:01:07,840 I want this to be a unifying sushi that... 26 00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:10,576 anyone can eat but nobody wants to eat. 27 00:01:10,678 --> 00:01:12,812 Airport sushi, that flavor of rice 28 00:01:12,914 --> 00:01:14,313 you don't get anywhere else, 29 00:01:14,415 --> 00:01:18,117 where it's so hard you actually feel like, 30 00:01:18,219 --> 00:01:20,920 "Am I eating bits of plastic?" 31 00:01:21,022 --> 00:01:23,656 Open the fridge please. See how this is? 32 00:01:23,758 --> 00:01:25,257 This got sent back. 33 00:01:25,359 --> 00:01:28,127 Great. Uh, yeah, send that one back to them again. 34 00:01:28,229 --> 00:01:30,262 Let's add a little something to it. 35 00:01:30,364 --> 00:01:32,264 There we go. Meaningless paper. 36 00:01:32,366 --> 00:01:35,267 [Washed Out's "Feel It All Around" playing] 37 00:01:49,094 --> 00:01:50,762 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 38 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,119 - I am outraged! - [both screaming] 39 00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:55,621 Look at this. 40 00:01:55,723 --> 00:01:58,023 "Port-langeles." Hmm? Does that make you happy? 41 00:01:58,125 --> 00:02:00,025 Doesn't make me happy. Have you noticed 42 00:02:00,127 --> 00:02:02,962 the influx of outsiders into Portland lately? 43 00:02:03,064 --> 00:02:04,029 - Yes. - Yeah. 44 00:02:04,131 --> 00:02:05,331 And they're taking our jobs, 45 00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:06,899 they're filling up our coffee shops. 46 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,501 Not, like, our jobs, but just jobs in general. 47 00:02:09,604 --> 00:02:10,836 They actually want to work, 48 00:02:10,938 --> 00:02:13,339 and that's changing our way of life. 49 00:02:13,441 --> 00:02:15,140 I went to a restaurant the other night 50 00:02:15,243 --> 00:02:16,575 and every table was full. 51 00:02:16,677 --> 00:02:19,478 There's no room for us spontaneous boho types 52 00:02:19,580 --> 00:02:20,679 to roll in, right, and just have dinner. 53 00:02:20,781 --> 00:02:22,081 That's true. 54 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,983 I need things to be weird and freaky. 55 00:02:24,085 --> 00:02:25,084 - Yeah. - The more people 56 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,485 that come in from the outside, 57 00:02:26,587 --> 00:02:28,821 the more we start having to adapt to them. 58 00:02:28,923 --> 00:02:31,657 Yeah, I know, I know. We have to control our borders. 59 00:02:31,759 --> 00:02:33,893 Yeah, but we can't legally not allow people 60 00:02:33,995 --> 00:02:35,194 to come into the city. 61 00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:36,395 No, we can't, you're right. 62 00:02:36,497 --> 00:02:38,697 But there is something we can do. 63 00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:41,700 [regal music] 64 00:02:41,802 --> 00:02:44,536 [people chanting] Keep us weird! Keep us weird! 65 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:46,005 Keep us weird! Keep us weird! 66 00:02:46,107 --> 00:02:47,506 What can you do? 67 00:02:47,608 --> 00:02:49,341 And that is why, as mayor, I've decided 68 00:02:49,443 --> 00:02:51,911 it's time that we need to secede and form 69 00:02:52,013 --> 00:02:54,880 our own weird and yet independent nation. 70 00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:56,215 - [cheers and applause] - Secede! 71 00:02:56,317 --> 00:02:59,952 [overlapping shouts] 72 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:02,021 - That's our mayor, man. - That's great. 73 00:03:02,123 --> 00:03:05,524 Keep Portland weird and independent! 74 00:03:05,626 --> 00:03:08,060 Keep Portland the nation! 75 00:03:08,162 --> 00:03:11,430 Keep our nation independent and weird. 76 00:03:11,532 --> 00:03:14,199 Let's succeed and go 77 00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:15,601 - Portland be independent... - Independence now. 78 00:03:15,703 --> 00:03:18,938 Seceding now. Portland, let's se-- 79 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,740 Let's for-- Portland nation. 80 00:03:21,842 --> 00:03:24,376 Portland the nation. 81 00:03:24,478 --> 00:03:26,812 Portland the nation seceding now. 82 00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:29,581 both: Portland the nation seceding now. 83 00:03:29,684 --> 00:03:32,618 all: Portland the nation seceding now. 84 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,421 Portland the nation seceding now. 85 00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:36,488 Portland the nation seceding now! 86 00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:38,123 [triumphant music] 87 00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:40,893 Portland the nation seceding now! 88 00:03:40,995 --> 00:03:43,595 Portland the nation seceding now! 89 00:03:43,698 --> 00:03:46,131 Portland the nation seceding now! 90 00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:48,434 - Portland the na-- - Who's with me? 91 00:03:48,536 --> 00:03:51,437 [indie rock music] 92 00:03:51,539 --> 00:03:52,738 93 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,074 - Great bagel. - Yeah, New York style. 94 00:03:55,176 --> 00:03:57,343 Let's get back and clean out the garage. 95 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,644 Whoa. 96 00:04:00,214 --> 00:04:01,613 [dramatic music] 97 00:04:01,716 --> 00:04:02,781 Can you back out? 98 00:04:02,883 --> 00:04:05,184 99 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,719 That's like a 40-point turn. 100 00:04:06,787 --> 00:04:08,587 Look at that. 1 inch. 101 00:04:08,689 --> 00:04:10,155 It's 1 inch from the tire. 102 00:04:10,257 --> 00:04:11,857 Is this your car? 103 00:04:11,926 --> 00:04:14,126 The engine's still warm, so you should be nearby. 104 00:04:14,228 --> 00:04:16,161 I see you up there. Is this your car? 105 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,832 Hi, we're Kath and Dave. 106 00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:21,667 We can't get out, you idiot. 107 00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:24,837 Look! Look at that! 108 00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:27,306 That's your car! 109 00:04:27,408 --> 00:04:29,141 Your car! 110 00:04:29,243 --> 00:04:30,309 When they come back they're not gonna know 111 00:04:30,411 --> 00:04:31,610 that it was us. 112 00:04:31,712 --> 00:04:32,978 They need to suffer for their crime. 113 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,380 I don't want this to be wasted. 114 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,515 Well, let's get the notebook. 115 00:04:36,617 --> 00:04:37,516 The notebook! 116 00:04:37,618 --> 00:04:38,984 "Notes to Park by." 117 00:04:39,086 --> 00:04:40,619 - Let's do it. - We worked hard on these. 118 00:04:40,721 --> 00:04:41,987 "There's a better parking spot for you 119 00:04:42,089 --> 00:04:43,622 down by the imbecile factory." 120 00:04:43,724 --> 00:04:45,157 - I don't know. - Okay, what about this? 121 00:04:45,259 --> 00:04:46,959 "Where do you go to school? Idiot Tech?" 122 00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:48,394 - Ha ha! - Ooh, let's try that one. 123 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,795 - This'll work. - Too lethal. 124 00:04:49,897 --> 00:04:51,196 - Too polite. - No, that's not right. 125 00:04:51,298 --> 00:04:52,698 - No, no, no, no! - None of these are working. 126 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,699 - We have to write our own. - Let's do it. 127 00:04:53,801 --> 00:04:55,034 Thank you very much. 128 00:04:55,136 --> 00:04:56,802 I wish for you 129 00:04:56,904 --> 00:04:58,704 to be somewhere else-- 130 00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:00,506 underground! 131 00:05:00,608 --> 00:05:02,174 How would you like it if we parked in your living room? 132 00:05:02,276 --> 00:05:03,175 Make "living room" longer. 133 00:05:03,277 --> 00:05:05,878 Living roo-oo-oo-- 134 00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:07,980 You think you have the right to block me in like a monster? 135 00:05:08,082 --> 00:05:09,548 If this is a nightmare, you're in it! 136 00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:11,316 We're gonna make you drink your own gasoline! 137 00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:13,352 [car horn honks] 138 00:05:19,994 --> 00:05:21,060 - You're gonna get towed! - Do it! 139 00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:22,361 [both yelling indistinctly] 140 00:05:22,463 --> 00:05:23,629 - We will find you! - Ah! 141 00:05:25,099 --> 00:05:26,598 That is in there. 142 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:27,833 Read it and weep! 143 00:05:27,935 --> 00:05:29,735 Kath and Dave. 144 00:05:29,837 --> 00:05:31,003 What's going on? How are you? Look how this idiot parked. 145 00:05:31,105 --> 00:05:32,071 We're so sorry. 146 00:05:32,173 --> 00:05:33,072 - Did we block you in? - Yeah. 147 00:05:33,174 --> 00:05:34,073 This is your car? 148 00:05:34,175 --> 00:05:35,274 - Yeah. - Yes. 149 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,675 What, uh-- what are you guys doing? 150 00:05:36,777 --> 00:05:38,210 It's a-- our cat's missing. 151 00:05:38,312 --> 00:05:41,847 This-- this is actually a drawing he did, so-- yeah. 152 00:05:41,949 --> 00:05:44,616 Please, if you see our cat, let us know. 153 00:05:46,219 --> 00:05:48,887 Little more. Little more. Good. 154 00:05:48,989 --> 00:05:50,222 All right. 155 00:05:50,324 --> 00:05:51,390 - No, no, no! - Grass. Grass. Grass. 156 00:05:51,492 --> 00:05:52,691 - No construction! - No-- 157 00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:54,092 - No construction! - Good morning. 158 00:05:54,195 --> 00:05:55,527 - Hi, excuse me, guys. - Can we help you, sir? 159 00:05:55,629 --> 00:05:57,396 - Yeah, hi. - Are you lost, little boy? 160 00:05:57,498 --> 00:05:59,865 No, I'm not lost. I'm here to put in a parking lot today, 161 00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:02,367 so I'm gonna need you guys to take your game 162 00:06:02,470 --> 00:06:04,069 and kind of-- kind of move it elsewhere. 163 00:06:04,171 --> 00:06:05,838 We're not going anywhere, do you understand? 164 00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:07,139 You can't bulldoze this, 165 00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:09,341 because we are representing Mother Earth. 166 00:06:09,443 --> 00:06:10,676 This is her scalp. 167 00:06:10,778 --> 00:06:12,177 Look, just a little spot of land. 168 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:13,679 What-- it's not a big deal. 169 00:06:13,781 --> 00:06:15,948 Oh, just a little spot of land. 170 00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:17,616 - Yeah. - Maybe we should bulldoze 171 00:06:17,718 --> 00:06:19,751 those buildings and put grass on that. How does that sound? 172 00:06:19,854 --> 00:06:21,854 Well, you know, if you-- you-- you get-- we get the contract, 173 00:06:21,956 --> 00:06:23,222 yeah, I'm-I'm happy to do it. 174 00:06:23,324 --> 00:06:25,390 Oh, you're just all about-- [bleep]. 175 00:06:25,493 --> 00:06:26,925 You're all about-- 176 00:06:27,027 --> 00:06:29,261 Do you see this? I'm doing the money-- 177 00:06:29,363 --> 00:06:31,230 - I-- no, I see it. - Yeah, you're just hungry. 178 00:06:31,332 --> 00:06:32,364 - Just-- - I just-- 179 00:06:32,466 --> 00:06:33,866 I just want to do my job. 180 00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:36,134 Look, the message is clear. Go elsewhere. 181 00:06:36,237 --> 00:06:37,402 We are not gonna move. 182 00:06:37,505 --> 00:06:39,037 Plus, we can't move. Ugh. 183 00:06:39,139 --> 00:06:40,072 We're croquet-ed in here. 184 00:06:40,174 --> 00:06:41,273 [groaning] 185 00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,574 Okay. 186 00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:44,142 Good, go have your coffee. 187 00:06:44,245 --> 00:06:45,377 Ha! We got 'em! 188 00:06:45,479 --> 00:06:48,247 - Parking lot... - We think not. 189 00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:50,415 - Parking lot. We-- - Hello. Hi. 190 00:06:50,518 --> 00:06:53,051 - Are you the eco-terrorists? - Who's asking? 191 00:06:53,153 --> 00:06:54,753 Well, I'm here to let you guys know 192 00:06:54,855 --> 00:06:57,422 that you've been selected to receive an award 193 00:06:57,525 --> 00:06:59,725 for best protest at The Protest Awards 194 00:06:59,827 --> 00:07:02,561 this afternoon at the Desi Arnaz banquet hall. 195 00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:04,596 All the information is right there. 196 00:07:04,698 --> 00:07:06,398 I'm just gonna leave it right here for ya, 197 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,333 just jam it right there in the dirt. 198 00:07:08,435 --> 00:07:11,103 And, uh, it's a black tie event, so please wear your best. 199 00:07:11,205 --> 00:07:12,437 - Huh. - We will see you there. 200 00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:14,740 - Thank you very much. - Okay, I guess. 201 00:07:14,842 --> 00:07:16,775 The invitation looks pretty official. 202 00:07:16,877 --> 00:07:18,443 Yeah, there's, like, gold lettering on it. 203 00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:20,145 Also, we're gonna go up there-- we're not 204 00:07:20,247 --> 00:07:21,346 just gonna go up there and be like, "Thank you, thank you." 205 00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:22,681 - We're gonna use it. - Yeah. 206 00:07:22,783 --> 00:07:23,849 Do you guys wanna go? 207 00:07:23,951 --> 00:07:24,950 - I wanna go. - I'll go. 208 00:07:25,052 --> 00:07:26,451 [award show music] 209 00:07:26,554 --> 00:07:28,020 - Are we ready? - Whew. I feel ready. 210 00:07:28,122 --> 00:07:29,621 - I'm ready. - Okay. Lest we forget, 211 00:07:29,723 --> 00:07:31,356 this is the biggest platform we've ever had 212 00:07:31,458 --> 00:07:33,492 to get our message out, so let's get in there 213 00:07:33,594 --> 00:07:35,127 and just get to the core of it. 214 00:07:35,229 --> 00:07:36,929 That's right. Let's get in there. 215 00:07:37,031 --> 00:07:41,700 216 00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:47,606 - [gasps] - Oh. 217 00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,374 - Ah! What did they do? - No! 218 00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:51,376 - No! - What? Great. 219 00:07:51,478 --> 00:07:53,845 - We were duped! - I guess we failed. 220 00:07:53,948 --> 00:07:55,814 - It's our own fault, you know. - Yeah. 221 00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:57,783 Sorry, kids. You know, you're just gonna have to find 222 00:07:57,885 --> 00:07:59,551 some other little piece of grass to save, 223 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,987 because this one's gone, but you know what? 224 00:08:02,089 --> 00:08:03,722 You're all winners in my book. 225 00:08:03,824 --> 00:08:05,490 - Let's get outta here, guys. - Yeah. See-- 226 00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,125 Actually, you-- hold on a second. 227 00:08:07,227 --> 00:08:08,393 We prepared a speech, right? Let's say it. 228 00:08:08,495 --> 00:08:09,828 [dramatic music] 229 00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:12,464 - Let's say it to him. - I can't wait. 230 00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:13,632 Really? Brandon. 231 00:08:13,734 --> 00:08:15,867 232 00:08:15,970 --> 00:08:17,869 Listen up. 233 00:08:17,938 --> 00:08:19,571 234 00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:22,074 This award is, uh, unexpected. 235 00:08:22,176 --> 00:08:25,544 Uh... I can't thank you enough. 236 00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:27,412 We, uh, really didn't see this coming. 237 00:08:27,514 --> 00:08:29,715 I didn't prepare anything. Uh, is my wife here somewhere? 238 00:08:29,817 --> 00:08:31,483 [laughs] 239 00:08:31,585 --> 00:08:34,486 [indie rock music] 240 00:08:34,588 --> 00:08:36,521 241 00:08:37,858 --> 00:08:39,091 Fred and Carrie? 242 00:08:39,193 --> 00:08:41,860 - Right this way. - Sure. 243 00:08:41,929 --> 00:08:43,061 Have a seat, please. 244 00:08:43,163 --> 00:08:46,098 [dramatic music] 245 00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:47,833 246 00:08:47,935 --> 00:08:49,101 [whispering] Fred and Carrie, sir. 247 00:08:51,205 --> 00:08:53,939 Fred and Carrie. Hi. 248 00:08:54,041 --> 00:08:55,340 - How's it going? - How you doing? 249 00:08:55,442 --> 00:08:56,708 - Hey. - Thanks for seeing us. 250 00:08:56,810 --> 00:08:58,443 Oh, thank you for coming in. 251 00:08:58,545 --> 00:09:00,379 So what can I do you for today? 252 00:09:00,481 --> 00:09:02,681 We're here to tell you that Portland 253 00:09:02,783 --> 00:09:04,850 wants to secede from the nation. 254 00:09:04,952 --> 00:09:07,853 [ominous music] 255 00:09:07,955 --> 00:09:09,554 256 00:09:09,657 --> 00:09:11,423 It says here you're under a three-year contract 257 00:09:11,525 --> 00:09:12,891 with two years still left on it. 258 00:09:12,993 --> 00:09:15,927 The penalty for early termination will be $97. 259 00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:19,564 Uh, wow. Didn't expect that. All right. 260 00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,366 You're gonna have to return all the American stuff 261 00:09:21,468 --> 00:09:23,268 you guys have. That's American flags, 262 00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:25,270 flagpoles, telephone poles. 263 00:09:25,372 --> 00:09:26,371 - What? - Says here 264 00:09:26,473 --> 00:09:28,206 you have three gavels. 265 00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:29,775 We will need those gavels back. 266 00:09:29,877 --> 00:09:31,243 This kind of bureaucracy, 267 00:09:31,345 --> 00:09:34,546 this kind of overregulation of small people, 268 00:09:34,648 --> 00:09:36,682 this is exactly why we're leaving. 269 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,784 Okay. I don't do this for everyone, 270 00:09:38,886 --> 00:09:41,153 but I'll do it for you. 271 00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,721 Three years membership in the union, 272 00:09:42,823 --> 00:09:44,556 we give you three months of free water and power. 273 00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:47,059 That's it. All right, get outta here. Get outta here! 274 00:09:47,161 --> 00:09:49,628 - No bribes. - That's it, go. 275 00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:51,830 Fill out the form that says that Portland 276 00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:53,231 is no longer part of the United States. 277 00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:55,400 We would like the city and the river. 278 00:09:55,502 --> 00:09:57,069 - You can't have the river. - Yes, we can. 279 00:09:57,171 --> 00:09:59,337 Flags of convenience, maritime law. 280 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:03,241 Any seafaring vessel can seafare alo-- along the sea, 281 00:10:03,343 --> 00:10:05,510 along the shores without touching the shore, 282 00:10:05,612 --> 00:10:07,479 as long as they have fuel or sails. 283 00:10:07,581 --> 00:10:09,448 - That's not true at all. - It is very true. 284 00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:12,284 So what kind of taxes are you gonna have in your country? 285 00:10:12,386 --> 00:10:13,652 $12. 286 00:10:13,754 --> 00:10:15,187 The currency's gonna be dollars? 287 00:10:15,289 --> 00:10:16,321 No, goo-koos. 288 00:10:16,423 --> 00:10:17,923 - Goo-koos? - Goo-koos. 289 00:10:18,025 --> 00:10:19,458 And what's this money gonna look like? 290 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,126 They're little balls. 291 00:10:21,228 --> 00:10:23,095 They're like ping pong balls but painted white. 292 00:10:23,197 --> 00:10:25,330 And so everything is done by gravity, 293 00:10:25,432 --> 00:10:27,265 so cash registers, instead of being 294 00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:30,635 that stupid thing that jumps out at you, is a sack. 295 00:10:30,738 --> 00:10:32,504 So you go to a grocery store, and it'll be like, 296 00:10:32,606 --> 00:10:35,774 "Oh, the next goo-koo sack is available. Please step up"? 297 00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:37,242 - Yes. - Okay. 298 00:10:37,311 --> 00:10:39,444 We're very sorry, but we're proud. 299 00:10:39,546 --> 00:10:41,046 - We're gonna secede. - All right. 300 00:10:41,148 --> 00:10:43,115 - I can do this for you, but... - Thank you. 301 00:10:43,217 --> 00:10:44,316 It'll take three years. 302 00:10:44,418 --> 00:10:46,151 - No. We want it now. - Now. 303 00:10:46,253 --> 00:10:47,285 - What's-- what's three years? - You-- you know what? 304 00:10:47,387 --> 00:10:48,653 Secession isn't about waiting, 305 00:10:48,756 --> 00:10:50,222 and it's not about asking for permission. 306 00:10:50,324 --> 00:10:51,690 It actually is. That's what you're doing 307 00:10:51,792 --> 00:10:53,125 right now. You're asking me for permission. 308 00:10:53,227 --> 00:10:54,493 - No. - No, no, we're telling you. 309 00:10:54,595 --> 00:10:56,361 We're telling you that we're leaving. 310 00:10:56,463 --> 00:10:57,863 No, you can't just leave. You can't just say "leave" 311 00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,364 and you're gone. You have to fill out forms! 312 00:10:59,466 --> 00:11:02,167 Freedom is not about form! It's about reform, 313 00:11:02,269 --> 00:11:03,902 and this... 314 00:11:04,004 --> 00:11:05,637 is our declaration of independence. 315 00:11:05,739 --> 00:11:07,973 Today is our Fourth of July. 316 00:11:08,075 --> 00:11:10,842 [regal music] 317 00:11:13,113 --> 00:11:14,546 I am gonna find those gavels. 318 00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:17,149 I know where they are. They're in the courthouses. 319 00:11:18,697 --> 00:11:21,165 [imitating sheep] 320 00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:23,000 [groans] [imitating explosion] 321 00:11:23,103 --> 00:11:24,802 [groans] 322 00:11:24,904 --> 00:11:27,138 - Daddy, I have a question. - Yeah? 323 00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:30,241 When you're dead, are you dead forever? 324 00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:32,176 [slow quirky music] 325 00:11:32,278 --> 00:11:34,245 Oh. 326 00:11:34,347 --> 00:11:37,682 Uh... [groans] 327 00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,617 You want to play a game? 328 00:11:39,719 --> 00:11:41,085 You can play with my phone if you want. 329 00:11:41,187 --> 00:11:42,920 [gasps] 330 00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:44,455 I didn't know what to say. 331 00:11:44,557 --> 00:11:46,657 I was just-- "Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh." 332 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,159 I mean, I think we just need to start rolling out 333 00:11:48,261 --> 00:11:50,161 some of the scarier concepts, you know? 334 00:11:50,263 --> 00:11:51,462 Start with the easier stuff, 335 00:11:51,564 --> 00:11:52,997 build up to the really heavy things, 336 00:11:53,099 --> 00:11:55,500 and-- just a roll out of bad news. 337 00:11:55,602 --> 00:11:58,436 This is a huge leap. We're like, "Here's candy, 338 00:11:58,538 --> 00:12:00,605 here's racism, and then cancer?" 339 00:12:00,707 --> 00:12:01,939 - What about death? - Honey, I-- 340 00:12:02,075 --> 00:12:03,708 That's what started this. 341 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,110 I know it seems huge, but it's a part of everyday life. 342 00:12:06,212 --> 00:12:07,545 - I-I agree. - You know, maybe we-- 343 00:12:07,647 --> 00:12:09,013 we get him a goldfish or something, yeah. 344 00:12:09,115 --> 00:12:11,549 - And kill the goldfish. - No. I-I don't-- 345 00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:12,984 Menendez brothers. 346 00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:14,352 Does he need to know about the Menendez brothers? 347 00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:15,787 They killed their parents. 348 00:12:15,889 --> 00:12:17,989 He's not gonna kill-- You're right. 349 00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:20,491 You know what, I want to start with something easy. 350 00:12:20,593 --> 00:12:22,727 Plastic surgery. Okay, explain plastic surgery. 351 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,529 I'm Grover. 352 00:12:24,631 --> 00:12:27,465 Listen, I-I-- [laughs] 353 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:28,966 How about geysers? 354 00:12:29,068 --> 00:12:30,701 Permanent stains I think is-- is a good one. 355 00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:32,904 Assassinations? Too soon? Too soon? 356 00:12:33,006 --> 00:12:34,739 Prison industrial complex. 357 00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,007 You don't like geysers, huh? 358 00:12:36,109 --> 00:12:37,675 Concussions, football. 359 00:12:37,744 --> 00:12:39,644 So Grover, when you play football-- 360 00:12:39,746 --> 00:12:41,212 Oh, he's not playing football. 361 00:12:41,314 --> 00:12:43,581 Brendan, "geyser" is not making it up on this board. 362 00:12:43,683 --> 00:12:45,850 If you want to have a private conversation, 363 00:12:45,952 --> 00:12:47,385 - who in you-- - One last argument for it. 364 00:12:47,487 --> 00:12:49,687 - Brendan-- - There are over ten people 365 00:12:49,789 --> 00:12:52,156 every 100 years who die in geysers. 366 00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:54,192 You don't think that number's kind of high? 367 00:12:54,294 --> 00:12:56,360 - No. - Santa? That's not till later. 368 00:12:56,462 --> 00:12:58,663 Let's be on the same page as-- as the Santa thing, 369 00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:01,499 'cause I know you-- you found out kind of-- kind of late. 370 00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:03,401 Look, Kris Kringle is a real name. 371 00:13:03,503 --> 00:13:04,869 He is of Russian origin. 372 00:13:04,971 --> 00:13:06,337 What-- where did we get the imagery from? 373 00:13:06,439 --> 00:13:08,372 - He is-- - Mythology, fairy tales. 374 00:13:08,474 --> 00:13:09,373 What fairy tale? 375 00:13:09,475 --> 00:13:11,509 I believe it 376 00:13:11,611 --> 00:13:13,611 - It-- Santa, I-- No, I-- - Gotcha. He's-- 377 00:13:13,713 --> 00:13:15,012 No, you didn't get me. 378 00:13:15,114 --> 00:13:16,547 I got that Beatle box set, 379 00:13:16,649 --> 00:13:18,049 and I was like, "Who gave me this?" 380 00:13:18,151 --> 00:13:19,717 You said to me, you're like, "It wasn't me," 381 00:13:19,819 --> 00:13:21,252 and you shrugged and you smiled. 382 00:13:21,354 --> 00:13:23,187 So you thought that Santa got that for you? 383 00:13:23,289 --> 00:13:24,355 - Who got it for me? - I did. 384 00:13:24,457 --> 00:13:25,857 I ordered it off Amazon, it came, 385 00:13:25,959 --> 00:13:27,391 I wrapped it up, and I gave it to you. 386 00:13:27,493 --> 00:13:29,827 [somber music] 387 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,596 [sniffs] All right, let's-- 388 00:13:31,698 --> 00:13:33,531 let's-- let's see what else there is. 389 00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:35,533 The phone's out of battery. 390 00:13:35,635 --> 00:13:36,534 [hopeful music] 391 00:13:36,636 --> 00:13:37,602 The phone. 392 00:13:37,704 --> 00:13:38,703 - The phone. - The phone. 393 00:13:38,805 --> 00:13:40,705 The phone. Grover, honey, 394 00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:43,407 I'm gonna give you a charger. I want you to charge the phone 395 00:13:43,476 --> 00:13:45,142 'cause we have a lot of words for you to look up. 396 00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:46,777 Yeah, a bunch of words, okay? 397 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,279 You could start with "war." 398 00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:50,781 Yeah, W-A-R. 399 00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:53,384 You know what you could Google, "Santa Claus." 400 00:13:53,486 --> 00:13:54,952 You mean "Kris Kringle." 401 00:13:55,054 --> 00:13:57,955 [indie rock music] 402 00:13:58,057 --> 00:13:59,223 403 00:13:59,325 --> 00:14:00,558 What do you feel like for lunch, hon? 404 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:03,461 Is there a beans place anywhere? 405 00:14:03,563 --> 00:14:05,963 Oh, probably. 406 00:14:06,065 --> 00:14:08,232 Peter, will you look at that? 407 00:14:08,334 --> 00:14:10,434 I was just reading about this in the paper. 408 00:14:10,536 --> 00:14:12,503 That is Banksy, he's a graffiti artist, 409 00:14:12,605 --> 00:14:14,405 and no one knows his identity. 410 00:14:14,507 --> 00:14:16,607 It's so fascinating. [chuckles] 411 00:14:16,709 --> 00:14:19,610 Banksy could be anyone. It's so neat. 412 00:14:19,712 --> 00:14:21,946 A-anyone, huh? 413 00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:24,649 Nance, don't you think that looks like my handwriting? 414 00:14:24,751 --> 00:14:26,817 [laughs] I guess. 415 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,020 [stuttering] N-Nance, 416 00:14:29,122 --> 00:14:31,255 what if I'm Banksy? 417 00:14:31,357 --> 00:14:32,490 Don't be silly. 418 00:14:32,592 --> 00:14:33,991 Well, then Nance, how do you explain 419 00:14:34,093 --> 00:14:36,928 my whereabouts between 9:00 PM and 8:00 AM, huh? 420 00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,596 Uh, you were sleeping. 421 00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:39,797 You were sleeping. 422 00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:41,165 Eh, how do you know what I was doing? 423 00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:42,833 I-I could have been doing graffiti all night. 424 00:14:42,936 --> 00:14:44,335 That seems very unlikely, 425 00:14:44,437 --> 00:14:46,938 that you'd be doing graffiti in your sleep. 426 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,875 Uh, I-I guess you're right. I-I do love private property. 427 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,844 I-I-I guess I'm not Banksy. 428 00:14:53,947 --> 00:14:56,781 Peter, what's on your hand? 429 00:14:56,883 --> 00:14:59,784 [dramatic music] 430 00:14:59,886 --> 00:15:01,118 431 00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:02,520 Look at the-- look at the paint. 432 00:15:02,622 --> 00:15:04,155 That's spray-paint on-- on my hand. 433 00:15:04,257 --> 00:15:06,357 Peter, we figured this out earlier. 434 00:15:06,459 --> 00:15:09,293 That is from when I asked you to change the printer cartridge, 435 00:15:09,395 --> 00:15:11,362 and you did, and thank you. 436 00:15:11,464 --> 00:15:12,830 You don't know what it's like to be a political artist, and-- 437 00:15:12,932 --> 00:15:16,300 Peter, you're not a political guy. 438 00:15:16,402 --> 00:15:17,735 - Yes-- yes I am. - How? 439 00:15:17,837 --> 00:15:19,303 I remember wh-when I saw a picture 440 00:15:19,405 --> 00:15:22,673 of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, I-I said, "Hey. 441 00:15:22,775 --> 00:15:24,976 They gotta fix-- they gotta fix that thing." Uh-- 442 00:15:25,078 --> 00:15:28,379 You're not an anti-corporate human. 443 00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:30,414 Remember when I wrote to-- to-- to Disney 444 00:15:30,516 --> 00:15:32,483 and I said, "You should have more Daisy Duck"? 445 00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:35,252 Exactly. You love Walt Disney. 446 00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:38,022 You love Disneyland. We've been there 18 times. 447 00:15:38,124 --> 00:15:39,724 A-and I've been there 22 times. 448 00:15:39,826 --> 00:15:41,692 Not everyone can be anti-corporate 449 00:15:41,794 --> 00:15:44,562 or anti-capitalist. That's just not who you are, 450 00:15:44,664 --> 00:15:46,097 and that's okay. 451 00:15:46,199 --> 00:15:48,232 Now, I'm gonna climb into bed with you, all right? 452 00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:49,834 - This is cozy. - Ow, ow, ow! Don't-- 453 00:15:49,936 --> 00:15:51,102 - yeah-- ouch! - [groans] 454 00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:55,039 Peter? Are you feeling okay? 455 00:15:55,141 --> 00:15:57,708 I-I'm just a-a little out of it. 456 00:15:57,810 --> 00:16:00,611 - Probably need some coffee. - Okay, I'll-I'll get coffee. 457 00:16:02,015 --> 00:16:03,381 - At-- - We're hearing reports 458 00:16:03,483 --> 00:16:05,082 of yet another Banksy graffiti sighting 459 00:16:05,184 --> 00:16:07,585 on the side of a downtown Portland establishment. 460 00:16:07,687 --> 00:16:08,953 It's an image of Ronald McDonald 461 00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:11,522 drinking a cup of Stumptown coffee. 462 00:16:11,624 --> 00:16:14,258 For-- for crying out loud, did you hear that? 463 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,826 No, hon. What's up? 464 00:16:15,895 --> 00:16:18,229 Banksy-- me-- is out on-- on the loose again 465 00:16:18,331 --> 00:16:19,730 at McDonald's! 466 00:16:19,832 --> 00:16:21,399 You love McDonald's, also, you can't draw. 467 00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:22,900 Well, ap-apparently I can. 468 00:16:23,002 --> 00:16:24,035 Well, then draw Ronald McDonald. 469 00:16:24,137 --> 00:16:26,070 Draw him right now. 470 00:16:28,307 --> 00:16:29,974 Peter, that's a stick figure. 471 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,209 It represents Ronald McDonald. 472 00:16:32,311 --> 00:16:34,445 I have to turn myself in. I'm a criminal. 473 00:16:34,547 --> 00:16:37,048 A-a-a-a-a-and if it please the court, Your Honor, 474 00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,616 th-th-that is why I'm convinced 475 00:16:38,718 --> 00:16:42,053 th-that I'm the political graffiti artist B-Banksy. 476 00:16:42,155 --> 00:16:43,487 I've reviewed the charges against you, 477 00:16:43,589 --> 00:16:45,756 which are largely self-inflicted. 478 00:16:45,858 --> 00:16:47,825 You may have noticed I haven't even touched my gavel today. 479 00:16:47,927 --> 00:16:50,594 That's the degree of seriousness we're treating this with. 480 00:16:50,696 --> 00:16:51,729 You're not Banksy. 481 00:16:51,831 --> 00:16:53,764 Peter. 482 00:16:53,866 --> 00:16:56,000 Did you hear him? Just come home. 483 00:16:56,069 --> 00:16:58,569 But I have to answer f-f-for my crimes, Nance. 484 00:16:58,671 --> 00:17:01,338 Your Honor? Someone graffitied the side of the courthouse. 485 00:17:01,441 --> 00:17:02,506 We think it was Banksy. 486 00:17:02,608 --> 00:17:04,308 Ha. How did I get out of jail? 487 00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:05,976 I-- am I Houdini? 488 00:17:06,079 --> 00:17:09,080 You're not Houdini. You're not Banksy. 489 00:17:09,182 --> 00:17:11,148 You know what, I'd love to take this lesson outside. 490 00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:12,983 Like, you know, meet me down there by the new Banksy 491 00:17:13,086 --> 00:17:14,618 in a few minutes, have a little talk. 492 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,655 Thank you, Your Honor. I-I respect your decision. 493 00:17:19,225 --> 00:17:22,426 [spray can spraying] 494 00:17:22,528 --> 00:17:23,761 [dramatic music] 495 00:17:23,863 --> 00:17:24,795 [distorted voice] Hello, Peter. 496 00:17:24,897 --> 00:17:25,930 I've been waiting for you. 497 00:17:26,032 --> 00:17:28,499 W-w-what is this, a-a-a setup? 498 00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:30,334 Am I-- am I being framed? 499 00:17:30,436 --> 00:17:31,936 You're not being framed. I don't mean to be dramatic. 500 00:17:32,038 --> 00:17:33,270 It's very hot out. 501 00:17:33,406 --> 00:17:34,472 Y-you're Banksy? 502 00:17:34,574 --> 00:17:36,307 Not quite. Banksy is a construct 503 00:17:36,409 --> 00:17:38,642 to help build up the value of low income neighborhoods. 504 00:17:38,744 --> 00:17:40,010 Oh. 505 00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:41,846 I'm so relieved th-that it's not me. 506 00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:44,615 Everything's better everywhere that we add the art. 507 00:17:44,717 --> 00:17:45,616 Do you like beans? 508 00:17:45,718 --> 00:17:47,051 I-I-I love beans. 509 00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:48,352 You get a Banksy, you get a bean store. 510 00:17:48,454 --> 00:17:50,588 - You get a bean restaurant. - Ooh. 511 00:17:51,343 --> 00:17:53,577 - We did it! Ha ha! - Yeah! 512 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,079 Oh, oh, I had new money printed up. 513 00:17:55,181 --> 00:17:57,615 Huh? Look at this. 514 00:17:57,717 --> 00:17:59,116 - Whoa. - Look at that, huh? 515 00:17:59,218 --> 00:18:00,117 I am gonna need a bigger wallet for that. 516 00:18:00,219 --> 00:18:01,619 - Yeah. - Oh. 517 00:18:01,721 --> 00:18:03,387 - That's brilliant. - Right? Very practical. 518 00:18:03,489 --> 00:18:05,222 This is so much better than goo-koos. 519 00:18:05,325 --> 00:18:06,891 Right? Sometimes you forget your wallet. 520 00:18:06,993 --> 00:18:08,893 That you'll never forget. Oh, that reminds me. 521 00:18:08,995 --> 00:18:10,161 We have to sign the constitution. 522 00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:12,229 - Oh, my gosh, this is-- - Wow! 523 00:18:12,332 --> 00:18:13,264 - This is historical. - This is it. 524 00:18:13,366 --> 00:18:14,498 This is the Constitution 525 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,599 of the People's Republic of Portland. 526 00:18:15,702 --> 00:18:17,134 I even got a special pen. 527 00:18:17,236 --> 00:18:19,937 "I do declare a new nation dedicated to all principles 528 00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:23,274 that hereby do represent the values and judgments 529 00:18:23,376 --> 00:18:27,478 of the founders who sit before me today." 530 00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:28,913 We are the Founding Fathers. 531 00:18:29,015 --> 00:18:32,116 Yes, you are. Do the honors? 532 00:18:32,218 --> 00:18:33,684 I mean, this is the real thing. 533 00:18:33,786 --> 00:18:35,686 - And here we go. - Good, okay, good. 534 00:18:35,788 --> 00:18:37,955 Let me take a picture of this... 535 00:18:38,057 --> 00:18:39,757 - There you go. - So I can send it off 536 00:18:39,859 --> 00:18:40,991 to the US Government. 537 00:18:41,094 --> 00:18:42,493 - Okay. - Take it! 538 00:18:42,595 --> 00:18:44,662 - Uh-huh. - Good. And... 539 00:18:44,764 --> 00:18:46,330 - Modern times, huh? - Done. 540 00:18:46,432 --> 00:18:47,932 - This is great. - Nice work. 541 00:18:48,034 --> 00:18:49,333 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 542 00:18:49,435 --> 00:18:51,502 Okay, now that we got that done, 543 00:18:51,604 --> 00:18:53,170 who's ready for Beyonc?? 544 00:18:53,272 --> 00:18:55,439 - [screams] - [laughter] 545 00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:57,041 - Yes! - This is the best day! 546 00:18:57,143 --> 00:18:59,276 - Huh? Come on! - All right. 547 00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:00,978 I took the liberty of putting together 548 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,948 a little video playlist of the Queen Bee's performances. 549 00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:05,483 We're gonna enjoy these tonight. 550 00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:07,118 Oh, a little celebration. 551 00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:10,321 Why does it say "video not available in our country"? 552 00:19:10,423 --> 00:19:11,655 Hmm. That's weird. 553 00:19:11,758 --> 00:19:12,890 - Is it an old computer? - [phone ringing] 554 00:19:12,992 --> 00:19:15,559 - Is it a computer from another-- - Maybe. 555 00:19:15,661 --> 00:19:17,361 Hello, Mayor of-- uh, sorry. 556 00:19:17,463 --> 00:19:20,364 President of the New People's Republic of Portland. 557 00:19:20,466 --> 00:19:21,799 [regal music] 558 00:19:21,901 --> 00:19:25,669 Um, oh. Okay. Uh, well, thanks for calling. 559 00:19:28,174 --> 00:19:30,074 Ooh, you don't look happy. 560 00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:32,476 Beyonc?'s tour is United States only. 561 00:19:32,578 --> 00:19:34,078 She can't perform here unless she has a visa. 562 00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:35,346 She needs a visa to come in here? 563 00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:36,847 She needs a visa to come to Portland. 564 00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:38,582 It's my dad's birthday this weekend, 565 00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:39,917 and he lives in Washington State. 566 00:19:40,019 --> 00:19:41,819 Am I gonna need a visa to go see him? 567 00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:43,087 Yeah, in fact you are. 568 00:19:43,189 --> 00:19:44,655 - I am? - Yeah. 569 00:19:44,757 --> 00:19:46,190 Well, why did-- why didn't we put that 570 00:19:46,292 --> 00:19:47,825 in the-- the constitution? Why didn't we, 571 00:19:47,927 --> 00:19:49,393 - like, consider these things? - Uh, uh, w-we just-- 572 00:19:49,495 --> 00:19:50,828 it's just this one paragraph. That's all it is. 573 00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,396 It's just a constitution. We haven't-- 574 00:19:52,498 --> 00:19:53,697 Mr. Mayor, I'm gonna ask you a question. 575 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,366 - Mm-hmm. - I'm not gonna get mad. 576 00:19:55,468 --> 00:19:59,570 I pumped all of my savings into the treasury... 577 00:19:59,672 --> 00:20:01,205 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - ...of our new country. 578 00:20:01,307 --> 00:20:03,407 Now, if I go to another country, is this legal? 579 00:20:03,509 --> 00:20:05,409 Can I exchange this? 580 00:20:05,511 --> 00:20:06,444 Well, Fred-- 581 00:20:06,512 --> 00:20:07,845 Oh, no! 582 00:20:07,947 --> 00:20:09,180 It'll be fine, we'll figure out-- 583 00:20:09,282 --> 00:20:10,748 Mr. Mayor, Fred is broke, 584 00:20:10,850 --> 00:20:12,416 I can't be with my dad on his birthday, 585 00:20:12,518 --> 00:20:13,951 and we're not going to Beyonc?! 586 00:20:14,053 --> 00:20:15,085 Ah, it's the worst! 587 00:20:15,188 --> 00:20:16,687 - Abandon ship. - Abandon ship. 588 00:20:16,789 --> 00:20:17,855 - Let's get outta here. - [all talking at once] 589 00:20:17,957 --> 00:20:18,856 Please? 590 00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:20,558 Aw, man. 591 00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:23,093 I'd love to help you guys out, but unfortunately, 592 00:20:23,196 --> 00:20:25,362 someone ripped up the contract 593 00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:27,131 Portland had with the United States. 594 00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:28,966 Remember that? "Freedom isn't about forms, 595 00:20:29,035 --> 00:20:30,234 it's about reforms"? 596 00:20:30,336 --> 00:20:31,569 Yeah, let's reform that contract 597 00:20:31,671 --> 00:20:33,137 back into something whole. 598 00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:34,738 Yeah, I can print out a new one. 599 00:20:34,841 --> 00:20:36,207 [hopeful music] 600 00:20:36,309 --> 00:20:37,741 It'll take three to four business years. 601 00:20:37,844 --> 00:20:39,143 [dramatic music] 602 00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:40,311 So, how'd it go? 603 00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,112 Oh, I-I got a green card. 604 00:20:42,215 --> 00:20:44,782 They said I am an alien of extraordinary ability. 605 00:20:44,884 --> 00:20:46,383 Uh, great. 606 00:20:46,486 --> 00:20:47,885 And they're still doing a background check on me. 607 00:20:47,987 --> 00:20:50,120 I guess I look vaguely Middle Eastern. 608 00:20:50,223 --> 00:20:52,756 - How about you? - Uh, well, yeah. 609 00:20:52,859 --> 00:20:55,626 I'm gonna keep Portland as a tax shelter for the rich. 610 00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:56,961 I like that, that's a good idea. 611 00:20:57,063 --> 00:20:58,596 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, hey, let me know 612 00:20:58,698 --> 00:21:01,065 if you want to hide billions of dollars. 613 00:21:01,167 --> 00:21:03,501 - Yeah, we will. - Okay. 614 00:21:03,603 --> 00:21:05,069 Sushi? 615 00:21:05,171 --> 00:21:10,140 has anybody seen Kris Kringle? 616 00:21:10,243 --> 00:21:11,842 Santa is a construct. 617 00:21:11,944 --> 00:21:14,144 No, the myth about Santa is a construct. 618 00:21:14,247 --> 00:21:16,347 So there's one Kris Kringle that's been alive for how long? 619 00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:17,848 He must be 77. 620 00:21:17,950 --> 00:21:20,584 So the idea of Santa started 77 years ago, 621 00:21:20,686 --> 00:21:21,919 when Santa was a baby? 622 00:21:22,021 --> 00:21:23,977 Not Santa, Kris Kringle. 623 00:21:24,770 --> 00:21:28,325 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 624 00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:32,925 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0